Wilkins And Wontkins Wiki

These are the scripts for the La Touraine Coffee Commercials, But remember, some of these scripts are from the Wilkins & Wontkins videos of {Insert Channel Name Here}, Drevian Edwards Productions, Nikki Arsenis 2, & more.


  • Wilkins: Look Out! Here comes my trainload of La Touraine Coffee!
  • Wontkins: Why would you want a whole trainload of?!

(A train appears and stops)

  • Wilkins: I like La Touraine.

Howdy Stranger[]

  • Wilkins: Howdy Stranger I hear you don’t drink La Touraine Coffee.
  • Wontkins: Yeah, so what?

(Wilkins shoots Wontkins)

  • Wilkins: Now There’re any other strangers in town?

Old Man La Touraine[]

  • Wontkins: When’s Old Man La Touraine gonna pay us for all his foolishness?
  • Wilkins: When we sell more La Touraine Coffee.
  • Wontkins: Buy La Touraine will ya?


  • Wontkins Well what was it a ball or a strike?
  • Wilkins: Do you drink La Touraine Coffee?
  • Wontkins: Naw.
  • Wilkins: Stee-rike three You’re Out!

Cheep Cheep[]

  • Wilkins: I have La Touraine and another kind of coffee.
  • Wontkins: I want the cheap stuff!

(2 Birds come out of the can and go Cheep Cheep Cheep)

  • Wilkins: Sorry But that other coffee is for the birds.

William Tell[]

  • Wontkins: OK William Tell, This better be good.
  • Wilkins: Do you drink La Touraine Coffee?
  • Wontkins: No!

(Wilkins shoots the arrow at Wontkins)

  • Wilkins: We can still use the apple again.

Mountain Climbing[]

  • Wilkins: Did you bring the La Touraine Coffee?
  • Wontkins: No! (Wilkins looses the rope causing Wontkins to fall) I FORGOT!
  • Wilkins: When you come back up Don’t forget the La Touraine.


  • Wilkins OK buddy what do you think of La Touraine Coffee?
  • Wontkins: I never tasted it!

(Wilkins shoots Wontkins)

  • Wilkins: Now what do you think of La Touraine?


  • Wilkins: You’re getting on the La Touraine Coffee bandwagon?
  • Wontkins: Never!

(The bandwagon runs over Wontkins)

  • Wilkins: You either go with La Touraine or you just don’t go.


  • Wilkins: I can get you La Touraine Coffee for a price.
  • Wontkins: I wouldn’t touch it.

(Wilkins shoots Wontkins)

  • Wilkins: There’s no future in an attitude like that.

House Is Not A Home[]

  • Wilkins: You have any La Touraine Coffee in your house?
  • Wontkins: No!

(Wilkins drops a bomb on Wontkins’ house and leaves)

  • Wilkins: Ya Know a house is not a home without La Touraine Coffee.

(Wontkins’ house blows up)

Wild Horses[]

  • Wilkins: Have a cup of La Touraine Coffee.
  • Wontkins: Wild Horses couldn’t make me.

(The Horses gallop offscreen)

  • Wontkins: OK OK Gimme a Cup!

Million Bucks[]

  • Wilkins: Boy, I’d give a million bucks for a cup of La Touraine Coffee.


  • Wontkins: OK Buster, Pay up.

How Instant[]

  • Wilkins: Hello grocery store, Send me some La Touraine Coffee.

(Wilkins’ face gets squirted by water)

  • Wilkins: Man. How instant can you get?

Ginger Ale[]

  • Wilkins: You want a can of La Touraine Coffee?
  • Wontkins: Nah, Gimme a bottle of ginger ale.
  • Wilkins: OK (smashes a bottle of ginger ale on Wontkins) But he would’ve liked the La Touraine.


  • Wilkins: Want some La Touraine Coffee with your pie?
  • Wontkins: Nah, Just gimme the pie.

(Wilkins splats the pie at Wontkins)

  • Wilkins: Sure you wouldn’t like a cup of La Touraine to wash it down.

Taking The 5th[]

  • Wontkins: That’s your 4th cup of La Touraine Coffee haven’t you had enough?
  • Wilkins: I refuse to answer.
  • Wontkins: Why?
  • Wilkins: I’m taking the 5th.

I Get A Bang Out Of La Touraine[]

  • Wontkins: What do you see in that La Touraine Coffee?
  • Wilkins: Well, Look for yourself.

(An explosion comes out of the La Touraine Coffee)

  • Wilkins: I get a bang out of La Touraine.


  • Wontkins: Old Man La Touraine just hired me to sell his crummy La Touraine Coffee.

(The man’s hand sets Wontkins on fire)

  • Wilkins: I think he just fired you too.

I Have A Hunch[]

  • Wontkins: I have a hunch i’m being followed.
  • Wilkins: Have you started drinking La Touraine Coffee?
  • Wontkins: No! (A hunch takes Wontkins) HELP!
  • Wilkins: I have a hunch he’d better Start!


  • Wilkins: Do you drink La Touraine Coffee?
  • Wontkins: No!

(A monster appears and swallows Wontkins)

  • Wilkins: Things seem to happen to people who don’t drink La Touraine.

Coffee Break