Mack: I can help you with McGarry's Sausages to make your broken knee feel better.
Kermit: Yeah so what?
(Cut to Mack holding Kermit with a bandage on his knee.)Mack: There’s one way to cure him.
Wilkins: Wilkins Coffee is like music to my Ears.
Wontkins: What are the cymbals for?
(Wilkins hits Wontkins with the cymbals.)
Wilkins: This a very symbolic commercial.
Wontkins: This is a stick up, give me the money!
Wilkins: Sorry, I'm on my diet because there's no calories in Calso Water.
Wontkins: Come on, let me have it.
(Wilkins shoots Wontkins)
Wilkins: I hate interruptions.
Wilkins: Have some Martinson Coffee, sir?
Wontkins: If that is all what you serve I’II get off at the next town.
(Wilkins throws Wontkins out from the airplane)
Wilkins: Next town five miles straight down.
Mack: I like a hot shower with Claussen’s Bread!
(Mack punches Kermit with a hammer.)
Mack: It’s all about the Claussen’s Bread taste!
Wilkins: Want some Wilkins Coffee during this harbor?
(A hurricane comes and sweeps Wontkins away)
Wilkins: You get off the track when you don't drink Wilkins.
Stagecoach (Folgers version):
Wilkins: Think the Indians will attack us?
Wontkins: Nah, All you got's a shipment of Folgers Coffee.
(The coach is now moving)
Wilkins: Someday He’ll learn that everybody drinks Folgers Coffee!
Convincing Machine (SOHIO version):
Wontkins: What’s That?
Wilkins: This machine that convinces people that Sohio Gas Station is great.
(Wilkins pulls the lever and turns on the machine and the hammers start to hit Wontkins)
Wontkins: Ooh, I’m convinced!
Monster (Friendly’s Ice Cream Cake version):
Wilkins: Do you like Friendly’s Ice Cream Cake?
(A monster comes and swallows Wontkins whole.)
Wilkins: Things seam to happen to people who don't like Friendly’s.
Cheep Cheep (Taystee version):
Wilkins: I have Taystee bread, and another kind Of Bread.
Wontkins: I want the cheap stuff!
(2 birds are seen inside the bread shaped door--in the cheap bread box.)
Birds: Cheep! Cheep! Cheep!
Wilkins: Sorry! But The other bread is for the birds.
Brand X (Folgers version):
Wilkins: How about a cup of Folgers Coffee?
Wontkins: No, Let me have Brand X!
(Wilkins marks Wontkins with a branding iron he's wielding.)
Wontkins: OOOH, THAT SMARTS!
Wilkins: We're here to persuade people to like more Taystee Bread.
Wontkins: What 's the club for?
(Wilkins hits Wontkins with the club he's holding.)
Wilkins: To get their attention.
(buzzes the doorbell)
Wontkins: Why are you ringing my doorbell?
Wilkins: For a Wilkins Coffee delivery!
Wontkins: I hate coffee!
Wontkins: Well, What was it, a ball or a strike?
Wilkins: Do you drink La Touraine Coffee?
Wilkins: Stee-rike three, You're out!
Wilkins: We're here to learn more about Community Coffee.
Wontkins: Why is there a lion?
(The lion comes to eats Wontkins)
Wilkins: You never learn.
Wilkins: Lunch with Nash's Coffee: 75 cents.
Wontkins: I didn't drink the Nash's.
Wilkins: That's one dollar even. It pays to drink Nash's.
Wontkins: You win a new car, or a case of New Instant Folgers Coffee?
Wilkins: I'll take the New Instant Folgers Coffee!
Wontkins: We I'll never get rid of that car.
Water with Dinner:
Wilkins: Want some Taystee Bread with your dinner?
Wontkins: Nah, let me the water.
(Wilkins brings a water pump and washes Wontkins.)
Wilkins: People like that need brainwashing.
Wontkins: What kind restaurant, is this?
Wilkins: This is a Soda Fountain!
Wontkins: Nah so what?
Wilkins: For Wilkins Instant Coffee!
(Wilkins push the soda fountain washes in Wontkins)
Wilkins: Thatcher your time Wilkins go way?
Wilkins: "I christen thee."
(Wilkins breaks the bottle and the ship is sinking)
Wontkins: "That cup of Coffee, is it Community?"
Wilkins: (nods) "Yes."
Wontkins: I Forgot My Parachute!
Wilkins: How About The Nash's Coffee!
Wontkins: I Forgot That Too!
(Wilkins Turns The Biplane Upside Down And Wontkins Falls)
Wilkins: He Will Never Forget This!
Wontkins: What do you guys get like you with a Cup of Folger's Coffee?
Wilkins: I'm on the wagon pops!
(The Wagon Is Now Moving)
Wontkins: Fresh kid.
Shall We Try Again:
Wilkins: Do you like to drink?
Wilkins: do you like drinking coffee?
Wilkins: do you like drink Nash's Coffee?
(Wilkins hits Wontkins with club he's holding)
Wilkins: Shall we try that again,
Wilkins: Howdy Stranger I see you don't like Taystee Bread.
Wontkins: "Yeah so what?"
(Wilkins Shoots The Gun)
Wilkins: Now Is There Any Other Strangers In Town?
Tarred And Feathered:
Wilkins: anyone who dont drink folgers will be tarred and feathered right?
Wilkins: He always was a Fast Fork.
Wontkins: What are you doing?
Wilkins: I'm kneading Martinson Coffee,
Wontkins: Haaaaa! Who Keands It?
(Keanding are throw on Wontkins face)
Wilkins: Haaa! everybody drinks Martinson Coffee.
Wilkins: Next Question. What do you think of National City Bank?
Wontkins: It's wonderful, Great coin!
Wilkins: You see friends--
Wontkins: Now pay me for ten bucks!
Mack: Want some Claussen's Bread during your break after saving?
Kermit: No thank you.
Mack: Things seem to happen to people who don’t eat Claussen's Bread.
Wilkins: Lets Do Some Cooking Community Coffee When The Thunder Storm Ahead!
Wontkins: I'll Take The Electrical Bar Lights From Stealing Foods!
(Wilkins Twist The Handel,Thunder Hits At Wontkins,And Wontkins Fell Off The Roof)
Wilkins: He Now Always Have Some Electric Strikes!
Death Defying Leap:
Wilkins: Want Some Folger's Coffee Before You Jump?
(Wontkins Jump Off Long Falling)
Wilkins You Miss A lot When You Don't Drink Folger's Coffee
(Wontkins Fell Of The Ground)
Mack: Hey Got Any Claussen's Bread On Board?
(Mack Go'es Up Likes A Rocket)
Kermit: Claussen's Bread Really Is Out Of This World!
Wilkins: "Did You Have Any Maxwell House Coffee In That Ship?"
Wilkins: "I christen Thee."
(Wilkins breaks the bottle and the ship is sinking)
Wontkins: "What Happen To My Ship!!!"
Wilkins: "You Should Drink Maxwell House Coffee!"
Mack: Got You're Parachute?
Kermit: I Forgot It!
Mack: How About The Claussen's Bread!
Kermit: I Forgot That Too!!
(Mack Turns The Biplane Upside Down And Kermit Falls)
Mack: He Will Never Forget This!
Rocket: (Folger's version):
Wilkins: Stand by for blast off!
Wontkins: What Kind Of Fuel Does That Rocket use?
Wilkins: Folger's Coffee!
Wontkins: That's no good!
Wilkins: "BLAST OFF!!!"
(Wontkins Goes Up Like A Rocket.)
Wilkins: you get a real blast of Folger's Coffee- and here's a great place to buy some.
Brand X (Calso version):
Wilkins: how about a diet with no calories in Calso Water.
Wontkins: no I'll take Brand X!
(Wilkins Marks Wontkins With A Branding Iron He's Wielding.)
Wontkins: OOOUCH,THAT'S SMARTS!!!!
Rocket Ship (Franks Orange Nectar version):
Wilkins: Franks will be the 1st Orange Nectar on the moon!
(Wilkins and Wontkins see the rocket explode with large pieces)
Wontkins: now what!
Wilkins: will Franks is still the best orange nectar on earth.