Wilkins And Wontkins Wiki

Pipe Dream:

Wilkins: If you don’t eat Magma bread You get on the pipe.

Wontkins: All that’s a lotta (falls)

Wilkins: Eating Magma Bread is a pipe dream.


Wontkins: A little help?

Wilkins: Did you bring a glass of Frank’s Orange Nectar?

Wontkins: Naw so what?

(Wilkins hits Wontkins with the window, making him fall)

Wilkins: Why don't you drop down to the store for some!

(Wontkins hits the ground off-screen)

Little Red Riding Hood:

Wilkins: Grandma's Little Red Riding Hood with your Community Coffee.

Wontkins: I'm the bad wolf and I just ate your grandma.

Wilkins: Well have some Community Coffee to wash her down.


Wilkins: I really love my Sani Sausages.

Wontkins: You 'oughta see a psychiatrist.

Wilkins: I did, that's who told me about Sani. I use to love my raincoat.

Brand X:

Wilkins: How about some delicious Sani Sausages?

Wontkins: Nah, I'll have Brand X.

(Wilkins has a brand with an X at the end of it, he burns Wontkins with it with a loud sizzle)

Wontkins: Oooh, That's smarts!!

Brand X Yellow Diamond:

Wilkins: How about a cup of Yellow Diamond Coffee?

Wontkins: Naw give me brand x.

Wilkins: OK


Wontkins: Ooooh That smarts!!

Wilkins: You can’t get Brand X out of Yellow Diamond Coffee, and there is a great place to buy some.

(bonk sound with Target logo)

Announcer: Target has a new coffee on their coffee isle. (cut to Yellow Diamond Coffee) It’s brand new Yellow Diamond Coffee.

Did You Call?:

Wontkins: I wouldn't admit this if I wasn't alone but, I really do like Dugans’s Bread.

Wilkins: Did you call?

(Wontkins gasps)

Foot Down:

Wilkins: Mr. Taystee says you gotta start eating Taystee Bread.

Wontkins: and What if I don't?

(Mr Taystee foot stomps Wontkins)

Wilkins: Oh, he'll probably put his foot down.

Best Coffee Is:

Wontkins: After much research, I found that the best coffee is-

(Wontkins is interrupted by a curtain with the Community Coffee logo on it)

Wilkins: He was probably gonna say Community Coffee, but I couldn't take the chance.


Wontkins: What are you eating?

Wontkins: A sandwich made with Merita Bread. Want a Bite?

Wontkins: Sure.

(Wilkins bites Wontkins)

Wontkins: AAAAAAAAH He’s a sharp salesman!!

Blue Diamond best coffee is:

Wontkins: After much research, I found best coffee is—

(Stage with Blue diamond logo interrupt him)

Wilkins: He is probably gonna say Blue Diamond but I can’t take the chance.

Why Not:

Wilkins: If you like really good coffee, why don't you spend the extra money and get 2 bags of Community Coffee.

Wontkins: Why not?


Wilkins: Pepsi-Cola will really make a hit in your house.

Wontkins: Are you sure it will make a hit?

(Wilkins hits Wontkins with a mallet)

Wilkins: Positive.

Positive Blue Diamond:

Wilkins: Blue Diamond Coffee will really make a hit in your house.

Wontkins: Are you sure it will make a hit?

(mallet hit)

Wilkins: Positive.

Monster (Wilkins):

Wilkins: Want a cup of Wilkins Coffee?

Wontkins: No.

(Beautiful Day Monster eats Wontkins)

Wilkins: Thing seems to happen to people who don’t drink Wilkins.

Biplane (Foster Farms Corn Dogs):

Wilkins: Got your parachute?

Wontkins: I forgot it.

Wilkins: How about Foster Farms Corn Dogs?

Wontkins: I forgot them too.

(fall and upside down)

Wilkins: He’ll never forget this!

Monster Green:

Wilkins: Do you drink Green Diamond Coffee?

Wontkins: No.

(Splurge eats him)

Wilkins: Things seem to happen to people who don’t drink Green Diamond.

Tunnel of Love (A&W)

Wilkins: After this will you buy a can of A&W?

Wontkins: No. (Splash)

Wilkins: I only go for a man who drinks A&W.


Wilkins: Do you like Dugan's Bread?

Screenshot 2019-12-24-18-07-24 kindlephoto-2358771.png

Wontkins: No.

(A monster comes to eats Wontkins)

Wilkins: Things seem to happen to people who don't like Dugan's.

Jack and the Beanstalk:

Wilkins: Fee feye foo fum, Jack. Come to Wendy’s and eat hamburgers.

Wontkins: No thanks mr. giant...


Wilkins: Eating at Wendy’s is Fee fi fo FUN.


Wilkins: Now that we are eating chicken at Popeye’s, a walrus wants to come.

Wontkins: So what?

(walrus eats him)

Wilkins: If you don’t go to Popeye’s you get eaten by Walrus.

Window (Church’s Chicken):

Wontkins: A little help?

Wilkins: You bring Chicken from Church’s Chicken Delivery?

Wontkins: Naw so what? (Fall)

Wilkins: Why don’t you drop down to the Church’s Chicken restaurant for some!

Monster (WingStreet):

Wilkins: Do you want to go and get chicken wings at WingStreet?

Wontkins: No.

(Cookie Monster eats him.)

Wilkins: Things seems to happen to people don’t eat at WingStreet.

Shower Hot (Long John Silvers):

Wilkins: I like a shower with Seafood from Long John Silvers.

Wontkins: What do you mean?

Wilkins: It’s all about the Long John Silvers seafood that won’t go into the hot.

Monster Burger King:

Wilkins: Do you eat hamburgers at Burger King?

Wontkins: Nope

(Splurge eats Wontkins)

Wontkins: Things seem to happen to people who don’t eat at Burger King...

Monster (Foster Farms Corn Dogs):

Wilkins: Want some Foster farms corn dogs?

Wontkins: No.

(Giant Wheel Stealer eats him)

Wilkins: Things seem to happen to people who don’t eat Foster Farms.

Monster (Magma Bread version):

Wilkins: Do you like Magma Bread?

Wontkins: No.

(Cookie Monster with teeth eats him)

Wilkins: Things just seem to happen to people who don’t like Magma Bread.

Cheep Cheep (Old Judge):

Wilkins: I have Old Judge Coffee and another kind of coffee.

Wontkins: I want the Cheap Stuff!

Birds: Cheep Cheep Cheep!

Wilkins: Sorry but that other coffee is for the birds.

Cheep Cheep (Foster Farms Corn Dogs):

Wilkins: I have Foster Farms Corn Dogs and another kind of Corn Dogs.

Wontkins: I want the cheap stuff!

(cheep cheep cheep)

Wilkins: Sorry but that other corn Dogs is for the birds.

Ship Christening (Foster Farms Corn Dogs):

Wilkins: I christen thee!


Wontkins: That corn dogs Is it Foster Farms?

Wilkins: Yeah!

Wontkins: Thanks... (Sinking)

Easy as pie Corn Dogs:

Wilkins: Have you eaten Foster Farms Corn Dogs yet?

Wontkins: Is it hard to do?

Wilkins: (splats the pie) No, It’s easy as pie!



Wilkins: Reminder, Magma Bread wont fix an angry problem! Buy Magma!

Ship Christening (Yellow Diamond Coffee):

Wilkins: I christen thee!


Wontkins: That can of coffee is it Yellow Diamond?

Wilkins: Yeah!

Wontkins: Thanks... (sinks)

Monster (Yellow Diamond):

Wilkins: Do you drink Yellow Diamond Coffee?

Wontkins: No.

(Taminella Grinderfall eating Wontkins)

Wilkins: Things seems to happen to people who don’t drink Yellow Diamond.

Yellow Diamond Swimming Pool:

Wilkins: I just filled my whole swimming pool with Yellow Diamond Coffee.


Wontkins: Help I’m drowning!

Wilkins: I told he don’t drink Yellow Diamond!

Snowing yellow diamond:

Wontkins: (BRRR) Give me a cup of coffee.

Wilkins: Yellow Diamond?

Wontkins: No any old coffee.

Wilkins: Step right this way.

(door close)

Yellow Diamond makes best coffee:

Wontkins: Yellow Diamond makes good coffee.


Wontkins: Ouh, Better coffee?

bonking again

Wontkins: Ow, Yellow Diamond make best coffee!!

Wilkins: Congratulations.


Wilkins: Instant Chase and Sanborn Coffee is music to my ears.

Wontkins: What are those cymbals for?

(Wilkins hits Wontkins with the cymbals, a loud crash comes from the cymbals)

Wilkins: This is a very symbolic commercial.

Symbolic Yellow:

Wilkins: Yellow Diamond Coffee is like music to my ears.

Wontkins: What are the cymbals for?

(boom symbolic)

Wilkins: This is symbolic commercial.

Wontkins: Where can I buy coffee?

Wilkins: Listen to this.

Booth announcer: Buy Yellow Diamond Coffee from the following stores: Target, Walmart, Kroger, Albertsons, Piggly Wiggly and Whole Foods Market. Nothing beats Yellow Diamond Coffee.

Two New Coffees:

Wilkins: I have two brand new two coffees that you’ve never seen before: Red Diamond Coffee and Blue Diamond Coffee.

Wontkins: I’ll take neither.

(Wilkins shoots Wontkins)

Wilkins: Nothing beats Red Diamond and Blue Diamond!

Cheep Cheep:

Wilkins: I have a tub of Leo's Ice Cream, and a tub of another kind.

Wontkins: I want the cheap stuff!

(The cheap tub of ice cream's lid opens with 2 birds)

Birds: Cheep Cheep Cheep!

Wilkins: That other ice cream's for the birds.

Tunnel of Love:

Wilkins: After this, would you buy me a tub of Leo's Ice Cream?

Wontkins: No.

(The boat goes into the tunnel, Wilkins throws Wontkins off the boat off-screen)

Wilkins: I only go for a man who eats Leo's.

Ship Christening:

Wilkins: I christen thee!

(Wilkins christens the ship with a bottle of Ribena)

Wontkins: That bottle of blackcurrant concentrate, is it Ribena?

Wilkins: Yeah!

Wontkins: Thanks... (sinks)

(Wontkins and the ship sinks)

Ship Christening (Magma Bread):

Wilkins: I christen thee!


Wontkins: That loaf of bread, is it Magma?

Wilkins: Yeah!

Wontkins: Thanks... (Sink)

William Tell:

Wontkins: Okay William Tell, this better be good.

Wilkins: Do you drink Nash's Coffee?

Wontkins: No.

(Wilkins shoots the bow and arrow)

Wilkins: We can still use the apple again.


Wontkins: What do you mean Wilkins Decaffeinated Coffee is made while you sleep? I'm awake.

(Wilkins hits Wontkins with a mallet, Wontkins falls over and "sleeps")

Wilkins: Like I said, Wilkins Decaffeinated is made while you sleep.