Wilkins And Wontkins Wiki


Wilkins: Why were you speeding? 

Wontkins: I was going for a cold soda.

Wikins: Frank's?

Wontkins: Naw, just any old kind.

(We cut off to see Wontkins at jail)

Wontkins: Next time l'll say Frank's.

Man Overboard:

Wilkins: How about some Red Diamond Coffee, captain?

Wontkins: No.

(Wilkins throws Wontkins out from the ship)

Wilkins: (quietly) I say man overboard. Help.

My Dead Body:

Wilkins: Want some New Instant Folgers Coffee?

Wontkins: Over my dead body.

(Wilkins pulls the switch and turns on the chair)

(Wontkins gets blown-up)

What Kind Of Bread Do You Sell:

Wontkins: What Kind Of Bread Do You Sell?

Wilkins: Taystee Bread.

Wontkins: Don't you have any other kind?

Wilkins: Sure we have it, but we don't sell it.

Magic Wand:

Wilkins: I wave my magic wand.

(A small can of Jomar Instant appears)

Wilkins: I wave it twice.

(The can gets larger.)

Wontkins : I don't drink Jomar.

Wilkins: I'll wave it again!

(Wontkins disappears)


Wilkins: Do you drink Community Coffee?

Wontkins: No.

(The tree falls on Wontkins head)

Wilkins: Things seem to happen to people who don't drink Community!

This Girl Has Taste:

Wilkins: Hello?

Girl: Hi, honey. Why don't you come over for some coffee.

Wilkins: Community Coffee?

Girl: Of course.

Wilkins: This girl has taste.


Wilkins: Have you started drinking Community Coffee?

Wontkins: No I haven’t. So what?

(Wontkins gets flushed down the toilet)

Wilkins: Looks like he went down the drain!

Foot Down:

Wilkins: Want some no-calorie Calso Water?

Wontkins: What'll Mr. Calso do if I don't?

(Wontkins gets squished by a foot)

Wilkins: Oh, he'll probably put his foot down.

Exploding Brand X:

Wilkins: Hey buddy do you want Wilkins Coffee or Brand X?

Wontkins: Well, what's so good about Wilkins Coffee?

(The Brand X can blows-up)

Wilkins: Well, for one thing, it doesn't blow up.


Wilkins: I Made Some Brownies.

Wontkins: What kind?

Wilkins: Wilkins Coffee Brownies.

Wontkins: I Don't Like Wilkins.

(Wilkins stuffs the Brownies in Wontkins’ Mouth)

Wilkins: He would’ve liked em.


Wilkins: We're To Persuade People To Drink More La Touraine Coffee.

Wontkins: What's The Club For?

Wilkins: To Get Their Attention.


Wilkins: You Drink Nash's Coffee?

Wontkins: No.

Wilkins: Things Seem To Happen To People Who Don't Drink Nash's.


Wilkins: What Do You Think Of That Cigar I Gave You?

Wontkins: I Like It Better Than Nash's Coffee.

Wilkins: Stronger Too, Isn't It?


Wilkins: Want Some Takeaway?

Wontkins: Sure.

Wilkins: Want Some Takeaway With Wilkins Coffee?

Wontkins: No Thanks.

Wilkins: Sure You Want Some Wilkins To Wash It Down?


Wilkins: Follow Me On The Road For Wilkins Coffee.

Wontkins: No Thanks.

Wilkins: Strange Things Seem To Happen To People Who Don't Drink Wilkins.

Brand X:

Wilkins: How About A Cup Of La Touraine Coffee?

Wontkins: Nah Give Me Brand X.

Wilkins: Okay.

Wontkins: Ooh That Smarts!!


Wilkins: Have some Calso Water?

Wontkins: Well I...

(Wilkins hits Wontkins with a club.)

Wontkins: I say I...

(Wilkins hits Wontkins with a club again.)

Wontkins: I'll take some!

(Wilkins hits Wontkins with a club.)

Wilkins: Surprising how so many people switch to Calso.


Wilkins: So, will you drink Wilkins Instant Coffee?

Wontkins: No I don’t. So what?

(Wilkins hits Wontkins continuously with a belt he's holding)


Wilkins: People who don't drink Maxwell House Coffee just blow up sometimes.

Wontkins: Aw, that's a lotta-

(Wilkins presses down on the detonator, causing Wontkins to somehow explode)

Wilkins: See what I mean?

Everybody Likes Folgers:

Wilkins: Everybody likes Folgers Coffee!

Wontkins: Not everybody.

(Wilkins hits Wontkins with the mallet)

Wilkins: Now everybody likes Folgers!


Wilkins: Okay, I take my Community Coffee.

Wontkins: That coffee is boring.

(Wontkins gets electrocuted by a lightning cloud)

Wilkins: That happens to people who don't drink Community.

Brand X:

Wilkins: Want a cup of this coffee? It's Nash's Coffee.

Wontkins: Nah, gimme Brand X.

Wilkins: Ok!

(Puts Brand X On Wontkins)

Wontkins: OOOH! That Smarts!!

(Wilkins is stirring a pot of Jomar.)

Wilkins: This is Jomar Instant, the finest-

Wontkins: Oh, go soak your head.

Wilkins: In Jomar Instant? A pleasure!

(Wilkins puts his head in Jomar Instant)


Wontkins: What are you doing my car?

Wilkins: have a cup?!

(Wilkins he slams on the breaks, Wontkins out through the windshield, scream falls down to the ground)

Wilkins: Tasted like this who is my car who knows about Jomar Instant.

Falling Safe:

Wontkins: Hey, Where Can I Get A Cup Of Coffee?

Wilkins: Instant Chase And Sanborn Coffee?

Wontkins: Any kind of coffee.

(Wilkins Pulls The String. A Safe Drops On Wontkins' Head, Crushing Him)

Wilkins: I guess he must be what you call accident prone.


Wontkins: I'm gonna drink this coffee and it’s not Red Diamond!

(Wilkins flattens Wontkins with a steamroller)

Wilkins: Doesn't that coffee tasted kinda flat?


Wontkins: 10... 9... 8... 7...

Wilkins: Hey will Folgers Coffee make me an Astronaut too?

Wontkins: Naw. 6... 5... 4...

Wilkins: But it good coffee.

Wontkins: Look, you can’t get anywhere with Wilkins Coffee. 3... 2... 1...

(Wilkins blasts off thanks to Folgers, much to the surprise of Wontkins)

Wontikns: Well I could be wrong.


Wilkins: Game intermission! Want some Kraml?

Wontkins: Naw.

(Wontkins get's slammed by a hockey stick)

Wilkins: Things seem to happen to people who don't drink Kraml.


Wilkins: You should start drinking Jomar Instant.

Wontkins: Why would I want to do that?

(Wilkins chops Wontkins' head)

Wilkins: So you won't lose your head.

Bank Robber:

Wontkins: This is a stick-up. Give me the money.

Wilkins: Sorry, I'm on my Calso Water break.

Wontkins: Come on, let me have it!

(Wilkins shoots Wontkins)

Wilkins: I hate interruptions.

Water with Dinner:

Wilkins: Want some Dugan's Bread with your dinner?

Wontkins: Nah, gimme some water.

(Wilkins brings a water pump and washes Wontkins)

Wilkins: People like that need Brainwashing.


Wontkins: What's a young kid like you doing drinking Wilkins Coffee?  

Wilkins: I'm on the wagon, pops!

(The wagon Is now moving)

Wontkins: Fresh kid.

Convincing Machine:

Wontkins: What’s that?

Wilkins: This machine that convinces people that Nash's Coffee is great.

Wontkins: Impossible.

(Wilkins pulls the lever and turns on the machine and the hammers start to hit Wontkins)

Wontkins: Ooh ow ooh l’m convinced!!


Wontkins: A Little Help?

Wilkins: Did you bring a can of La Touraine Coffee?

Wontkins: Naw so what?

(Wilkins hand down window Wontkins down fall Wilkins hand up window)

Wilkins: Then why don’t you drop down to the grocery store for some!


Wilkins: Do you drink Faygo Strawberry?

Wontkins: No.

(A monster comes and eats Wontkins)

Wilkins: Things seem to happen to people who don't drink Faygo.

Dollar Without...:

Wilkins: Frank's Orange Soda with Pie? 75 cents

Wontkins: I didn't drink Frank's.

Wilkins: That's one dollar even. It pays to drink Frank's.