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Jailhouse:

Frank: Why were you speeding? 

Fink: I was going for a cold soda.

Frank: Frank's?

Fink: No, just any old kind!

(We cut off to see Fink at jail)

Fink: Next time, l'll say Frank's!

Man Overboard:

Wilkins: How about some Red Diamond Coffee, captain?

Wontkins: No!

(Wilkins throws Wontkins out from the ship)

Wilkins: (quietly) I say man overboard. Help...

My Dead Body:

Wilkins: Want some New Instant Folgers Coffee!

(Wilkins pulls the switch and turns on the chair)

Wontkins: Over my dead body!

(Wontkins gets blown-up)

What Kind Of Bread Do You Sell:

Wontkins: What Kind Of Bread Do You Sell?

Wilkins: Taystee Bread.

Wontkins: Don't you have any other kind?

Wilkins: Sure we have it, but we don't sell it!

Magic Wand:

Wilkins: I wave my magic wand!

(A small can of Jomar Instant appears)

Wilkins: I wave it twice

(The can gets larger.)

Wontkins : I don't drink Jomar Instant.

Wilkins: I'll wave it again!

(Wontkins disappears)

Tree:

Wilkins: Do you drink Community Coffee?

Wontkins: No!

(The tree falls on Wontkins head)

Wilkins: Things seem to happen to people who don't drink Community!

This Girl Has Taste:

Wilkins: Hello?

Girl: Hi, honey. Why don't you come over for some coffee.

Wilkins: Community Coffee?

Girl: Of course!

Wilkins: This girl has taste.

Bathroom:

Wilkins: Have you started drinking Community Coffee?

Wontkins: No.

(Wontkins gets flushed down the toilet)

Wilkins: Looks like he went down the drain!

Foot Down:

Wilkins: Want some no-calorie Calso Water

Wontkins: What'll Mr. Calso do if I don't?

(Wontkins gets squished by a foot)

Wilkins: Oh, he'll probably put his foot down!

Exploding Brand X:

Wilkins: Hey buddy do you want Wilkins Coffee or Brand X?

Wontkins: Well, what's so good about Wilkins Coffee?

(The Brand X can blows-up)

Wilkins: Well, for one thing, it doesn't blow up!

Brownies:

Wilkins: I Made Some Brownies For You.

Wontkins: What Brownies?

Wilkins: Wilkins Coffee Brownies.

Wontkins: Yuck! I Don't Like Coffee Brownies.

Attention:

Wilkins: We're To Persuade People To Drink More La Touraine Red Cream Soda.

Wontkins: What's The Club For?

Wilkins: To Get Their Attention.

Monster:

Wilkins: You Drink Nash's House Orange Juice?

Wontkins: No.

Wilkins: Things Seem To Happen To People Who Don't Drink Nash's House.

Cigar:

Wilkins: What Do You Think Of That Cigar I Gave You?

Wontkins: I Like It Better Than Nash's Coffee.

Wilkins: Stronger Too, Isn't It?

Takeaway:

Wilkins: Want Some Takeaway?

Wontkins: Yes.

Wilkins: Want Some Takeaway With Wilkins Coffee?

Wontkins: No.

Wilkins: Sure You Want Some Wilkins To Wash It Down?

Road:

Wilkins: Follow Me On The Road For Wilkins Coffee.

Wontkins: No.

Wilkins: Strange Things Seem To Happen To People Who Don't Drink Wilkins.

Brand X:

Wilkins: How About A Glass Of La Touraine Red Cream Soda?

Wontkins: Nah Give Me Brand X.

Wilkins: Okay.

Wontkins: Ooh That Smarts!

Club:

Wilkins: Have some Calso Water?

Wontkins: Well I...

(Wilkins hits Wontkins with a club.)

Wontkins: I say I...

(Wilkins hits Wontkins with a club again.)

Wontkins: I'll take some!

(Wilkins hits Wontkins with a club.)

Wilkins: Surprising how so many people switch to Calso.

Torture:

Wilkins: So, will you drink Wilkins Instant Coffee?

Wontkins: No.

(Wilkins hits Wontkins continuously with a belt he's holding)

Blow-Up:

Wilkins: People who don't drink Maxwell House Coffee just blow up sometimes.

Wontkins: Aw, that's a lotta-

(Wilkins presses down on the detonator, causing Wontkins to somehow explode)

Wilkins: See what I mean?

Everybody Likes Folgers:

Wilkins: Everybody likes Folgers Coffee!

Wontkins: Not everybody!

(Wilkins hits Wontkins with the mallet)

Wilkins: Now everybody likes Folgers Coffee!

Boring:

Wilkins: Okay, take some Community Coffee.

Wontkins: That coffee is boring!

(Wontkins gets electrocuted by a lightning cloud)

Wilkins: That happens to people who don't drink Community.

Brand X:

Wilkins: Want a cup of this coffee? It's Nash's Coffee!

Wontkins: Nah, gimme Brand X!

Wilkins: OK!

(Puts Brand X On Wontkins)

Wontkins: OOOH! That Smarts!

(Wilkins is stirring a pot of Jomar.)

Wilkins: This is Jomar Instant, the finest-

Wontkins: Oh, go soak your head!

Wilkins: In Jomar Instant? A pleasure!

(Wilkins puts his head in Jomar Instant)

Car:

Wontkins: What are you doing my car?

Wilkins: have a cup?!

(Wilkins he slams on the breaks, Wontkins out through the windshield, scream falls down to the ground)

Wilkins: Tasted like this who is my car who knows about Jomar Instant.

Falling Safe:

Wontkins: Hey, Where Can I Get A Cup Of Coffee?

Wilkins: Instant Chase And Sanborn Coffee?

Wontkins: Any cup of coffee!

(Wilkins Pulls The String. A Safe Drops On Wontkins' Head, Crushing Him)

Wilkins: I guess he must be what you'd call an accident prone!

Steamroller:

Wontkins: I'm gonna drink this coffee that is not Red Diamond!

(Wilkins flattens Wontkins with a steamroller)

Wilkins: Doesn't that coffee tasted kinda flat?

Astronaut:

Wontkins: Identiton of research, the moon!

Wilkins: Want a cup of Folgers Coffee?

Wontkins: No.

(Wilkins flag down moon astronast fall of Wontkins)

Wilkins: Losing seem to happen if you don't try Folgers.

Hockey:

Wilkins: Game intermission! Want some Kraml?

Wontkins: No!

(Wontkins get's slammed by a hockey stick)

Wilkins: Things seem to happen to people who don't drink Kraml!

Cleaver:

Wilkins: You should start drinking Jomar Instant

Wontkins: Why would I want to do that?

(Wilkins chops Wontkins' head)

Wilkins: So you won't lose your head!

Bank Robber:

Wontkins: This is a stick-up! Give me the money!

Wilkins: Sorry, I'm on my Calso Water break.

Wontkins: Come on, let me have it!

(Wilkins shoots Wontkins)

Wilkins: I hate interruptions!

Water with Dinner:

Wilkins: Want some Dugan's Bread with your dinner?

Wontkins: Nah, gimme some water.

(Wilkins brings a water pump and washes Wontkins)

Wilkins: Can't wash down bread, so I don't know what to say.

Wagon:

Wontkins: What's a young kid like you doing with a cup of Wilkins Coffee?  

Wilkins: I'm on the wagon pops!

(The wagon Is now moving)

Wontkins: Fresh kid.

Convincing Machine:

Wontkins: What’s that?

Wilkins: This machine that convinces people that Nash's Coffee is great.

Wontkins: Impossible.

(Wilkins pulls the lever and turns on the machine and the hammers start to hit Wontkins)

Wontkins: Ooooooh, l’m convinced!

Window:

Wontkins: Help!

Wilkins: Did you bring the La Touraine Coffee?

Wontkins: No!

(Wilkins hand down window Wontkins down fall Wilkins hand up window)

Wilkins: Why wouldn't you drop down to the grocery store for some La Touraine Coffee!

Monster:

Wilkins: Do you drink Faygo Strawberry?

Wontkins: No!

(A monster comes and eats Wontkins)

Wilkins: Things seem to happen to people who don't drink Faygo.

Dollar Without...:

Wilkins: Frank's Orange Soda with Pie? 75 cents

Wontkins: I didn't drink Frank's Orange Soda!

Wilkins: That's one dollar even! It pays to drink Frank's.

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