Wilkins: Why were you speeding?
Wontkins: I was going for a cold soda.
Wontkins: Naw, just any old kind.
(We cut off to see Wontkins at jail)
Wontkins: Next time l'll say Frank's.
Wilkins: How about some Red Diamond Coffee, captain?
(Wilkins throws Wontkins out from the ship)
Wilkins: (quietly) I say man overboard. Help.
My Dead Body:
Wilkins: Want some New Instant Folgers Coffee?
Wontkins: Over my dead body.
(Wilkins pulls the switch and turns on the chair)
(Wontkins gets blown-up)
What Kind Of Bread Do You Sell:
Wontkins: What Kind Of Bread Do You Sell?
Wilkins: Taystee Bread.
Wontkins: Don't you have any other kind?
Wilkins: Sure we have it, but we don't sell it.
Wilkins: I wave my magic wand.
(A small can of Jomar Instant appears)
Wilkins: I wave it twice.
(The can gets larger.)
Wontkins : I don't drink Jomar.
Wilkins: I'll wave it again!
Wilkins: Do you drink Community Coffee?
(The tree falls on Wontkins head)
Wilkins: Things seem to happen to people who don't drink Community!
This Girl Has Taste:
Girl: Hi, honey. Why don't you come over for some coffee.
Wilkins: Community Coffee?
Girl: Of course.
Wilkins: This girl has taste.
Wilkins: Have you started drinking Community Coffee?
Wontkins: No I haven’t. So what?
(Wontkins gets flushed down the toilet)
Wilkins: Looks like he went down the drain!
Wilkins: Want some no-calorie Calso Water?
Wontkins: What'll Mr. Calso do if I don't?
(Wontkins gets squished by a foot)
Wilkins: Oh, he'll probably put his foot down.
Exploding Brand X:
Wilkins: Hey buddy do you want Wilkins Coffee or Brand X?
Wontkins: Well, what's so good about Wilkins Coffee?
(The Brand X can blows-up)
Wilkins: Well, for one thing, it doesn't blow up.
Wilkins: I Made Some Brownies.
Wontkins: What kind?
Wilkins: Wilkins Coffee Brownies.
Wontkins: I Don't Like Wilkins.
(Wilkins stuffs the Brownies in Wontkins’ Mouth)
Wilkins: He would’ve liked em.
Wilkins: We're To Persuade People To Drink More La Touraine Coffee.
Wontkins: What's The Club For?
Wilkins: To Get Their Attention.
Wilkins: You Drink Nash's Coffee?
Wilkins: Things Seem To Happen To People Who Don't Drink Nash's.
Wilkins: What Do You Think Of That Cigar I Gave You?
Wontkins: I Like It Better Than Nash's Coffee.
Wilkins: Stronger Too, Isn't It?
Wilkins: Want Some Takeaway?
Wilkins: Want Some Takeaway With Wilkins Coffee?
Wontkins: No Thanks.
Wilkins: Sure You Want Some Wilkins To Wash It Down?
Wilkins: Follow Me On The Road For Wilkins Coffee.
Wontkins: No Thanks.
Wilkins: Strange Things Seem To Happen To People Who Don't Drink Wilkins.
Wilkins: How About A Cup Of La Touraine Coffee?
Wontkins: Nah Give Me Brand X.
Wontkins: Ooh That Smarts!!
Wilkins: Have some Calso Water?
Wontkins: Well I...
(Wilkins hits Wontkins with a club.)
Wontkins: I say I...
(Wilkins hits Wontkins with a club again.)
Wontkins: I'll take some!
(Wilkins hits Wontkins with a club.)
Wilkins: Surprising how so many people switch to Calso.
Wilkins: So, will you drink Wilkins Instant Coffee?
Wontkins: No I don’t. So what?
(Wilkins hits Wontkins continuously with a belt he's holding)
Wilkins: People who don't drink Maxwell House Coffee just blow up sometimes.
Wontkins: Aw, that's a lotta-
(Wilkins presses down on the detonator, causing Wontkins to somehow explode)
Wilkins: See what I mean?
Everybody Likes Folgers:
Wilkins: Everybody likes Folgers Coffee!
Wontkins: Not everybody.
(Wilkins hits Wontkins with the mallet)
Wilkins: Now everybody likes Folgers!
Wilkins: Okay, I take my Community Coffee.
Wontkins: That coffee is boring.
(Wontkins gets electrocuted by a lightning cloud)
Wilkins: That happens to people who don't drink Community.
Wilkins: Want a cup of this coffee? It's Nash's Coffee.
Wontkins: Nah, gimme Brand X.
(Puts Brand X On Wontkins)
Wontkins: OOOH! That Smarts!!
(Wilkins is stirring a pot of Jomar.)
Wilkins: This is Jomar Instant, the finest-
Wontkins: Oh, go soak your head.
Wilkins: In Jomar Instant? A pleasure!
(Wilkins puts his head in Jomar Instant)
Wontkins: What are you doing my car?
Wilkins: have a cup?!
(Wilkins he slams on the breaks, Wontkins out through the windshield, scream falls down to the ground)
Wilkins: Tasted like this who is my car who knows about Jomar Instant.
Wontkins: Hey, Where Can I Get A Cup Of Coffee?
Wilkins: Instant Chase And Sanborn Coffee?
Wontkins: Any kind of coffee.
(Wilkins Pulls The String. A Safe Drops On Wontkins' Head, Crushing Him)
Wilkins: I guess he must be what you call accident prone.
Wontkins: I'm gonna drink this coffee and it’s not Red Diamond!
(Wilkins flattens Wontkins with a steamroller)
Wilkins: Doesn't that coffee tasted kinda flat?
Wontkins: 10... 9... 8... 7...
Wilkins: Hey will Folgers Coffee make me an Astronaut too?
Wontkins: Naw. 6... 5... 4...
Wilkins: But it good coffee.
Wontkins: Look, you can’t get anywhere with Wilkins Coffee. 3... 2... 1...
(Wilkins blasts off thanks to Folgers, much to the surprise of Wontkins)
Wontikns: Well I could be wrong.
Wilkins: Game intermission! Want some Kraml?
(Wontkins get's slammed by a hockey stick)
Wilkins: Things seem to happen to people who don't drink Kraml.
Wilkins: You should start drinking Jomar Instant.
Wontkins: Why would I want to do that?
(Wilkins chops Wontkins' head)
Wilkins: So you won't lose your head.
Wontkins: This is a stick-up. Give me the money.
Wilkins: Sorry, I'm on my Calso Water break.
Wontkins: Come on, let me have it!
(Wilkins shoots Wontkins)
Wilkins: I hate interruptions.
Water with Dinner:
Wilkins: Want some Dugan's Bread with your dinner?
Wontkins: Nah, gimme some water.
(Wilkins brings a water pump and washes Wontkins)
Wilkins: People like that need Brainwashing.
Wontkins: What's a young kid like you doing drinking Wilkins Coffee?
Wilkins: I'm on the wagon, pops!
(The wagon Is now moving)
Wontkins: Fresh kid.
Wontkins: What’s that?
Wilkins: This machine that convinces people that Nash's Coffee is great.
(Wilkins pulls the lever and turns on the machine and the hammers start to hit Wontkins)
Wontkins: Ooh ow ooh l’m convinced!!
Wontkins: A Little Help?
Wilkins: Did you bring a can of La Touraine Coffee?
Wontkins: Naw so what?
(Wilkins hand down window Wontkins down fall Wilkins hand up window)
Wilkins: Then why don’t you drop down to the grocery store for some!
Wilkins: Do you drink Faygo Strawberry?
(A monster comes and eats Wontkins)
Wilkins: Things seem to happen to people who don't drink Faygo.
Wilkins: Frank's Orange Soda with Pie? 75 cents
Wontkins: I didn't drink Frank's.
Wilkins: That's one dollar even. It pays to drink Frank's.